What if you couldn’t see others as they really are?
What if you couldn’t see yourself as you really are?
And what if you had no way of knowing that what you thought you saw was not at all what there was to see?
On a recent episode of This American Life, producer Alix Spiegel interviewed Jason Werbeloff. For more than 13 years, Werbeloff unwittingly sabotaged every close relationship in his life because of a peculiar quirk of perception. Out of the blue, a sudden visual flash momentarily transformed the physical appearance of friends and partners, revealing a diabolical, hidden side to their personality that Werbeloff had never previously recognized or imagined. Equally disturbing, Werbeloff’s perception of himself also appeared to morph over time when he looked in the mirror.
Then, in an online forum, he met a woman who claimed to know the source of his problems. With some prodding, she convinced Werbeloff to buy a special lamp with a control knob that changed the light to different colors. While looking in the mirror, Werbeloff cycled through the spectrum until the light turned green. All of a sudden, his face lost its asymmetrical, repellant appearance and became the normal, attractive face he remembered from his youth. When he turned the light to red, his appearance turned demonic once again.
In one instant, a lifetime of inexplicable interactions with others became clear. Werbeloff was not peering into the darkness of others’ souls. He was suffering from a condition that is this week’s entry into the Ethical Lexicon:
Prosopometamorphopsia (pro·so·po·met·a·mor·phop·si·a) noun
Also known as demon face syndrome; a rare neurological disorder of visual perception that causes faces to appear distorted
Also known as PMO, prosopometamorphopsia develops for reasons doctors still can’t identify. It sometimes disappears after a few weeks, but it can persist for years, as it did with Jason Werbeloff. In his case, Werbeloff mistakenly interpreted these flashes of fiendish perception as a glimpse into the malevolent character of others.
Another sufferer, Victor Sharrah, nearly had himself institutionalized, believing he was experiencing a psychotic break. Fortunately, Sharrah and Werbeloff discovered the source of their delusions and compensated for it.
But there is a profound lesson here even for those unaffected by PMO. The way we see others, interpret their actions, and assess their character, may have more to do with factors of our own perception and external circumstances than with those we observe. In the same way that Jason Werbeloff restored his clarity of perception with a tinted bulb, we can recover objectivity in how we perceive those around us by looking with a different “light” or through a different “lens.”
How quick we are to demonize others the moment we see something in their character that doesn’t align with our worldview. Their political affiliation or religious beliefs, their nationality or ethnicity—any one of these might be enough for us to brand others as deeply flawed and with whom we must sever all contact and communication.
In some cases, our misperceptions become farcical. My neighbor in Israel, an exceptionally bright Israeli, had taught himself English by reading books. On a trip to the United States, he was hosted by a couple who had invited him for dinner. Once he finished his portion, the hostess asked if he would like a second helping. He replied:
“No, I am fed up.”
Only later did he learn that the meaning of the idiom does not match the simple meaning of the words. At the time, he couldn’t understand why his hosts suddenly acted offended.
I can’t understand how anyone could be so clueless as to not recognize an innocent case of cultural miscommunication. But how often do we jump to conclusions about what other people mean without trying to uncover their actual intent?
Consider the applications in business or organizational decision-making. We want to encourage civil debate and constructive disagreement as the surest way of reaching the best possible conclusions. But too often our egos and personal agendas get in the way.
Just because someone questions my ideas or suggestions doesn’t mean they’re out to get me. On the contrary, they are doing me a favor by forcing me to reexamine my views. A little pushback allows me to confirm whether my ideas truly have merit, should be revised, or are best discarded.
Presuming positive intent is not just a warm-and-fuzzy aphorism. It is a mindset for preserving relationships and promoting an ethical society. True, there are nasty and malicious individuals in the world, and we need to protect ourselves from them. But most people are well-intentioned, and we serve neither them nor ourselves by assuming the worst without having compelling evidence to support our visceral intuitions.
Before rushing to judgment because you think you’ve caught a glimpse of inner ugliness, first readjust the lighting, look from a different angle, and consider a fresh perspective. When you do, you might well discover that what you had interpreted as a flash of darkness was nothing more than a trick of the mind’s eye.